Getting older

I’m enjoying getting older. Most days I wake up feeling like a little kid on Christmas morning. What is going to be in the gift called today? Some days I tear into my gift with energy and joy relishing everything. Other days I like to savor my gift. I admire the wrappings noticing details and peel back the layers. And when I go to bed at night, I fall asleep knowing that a new gift will be waiting for me when I open my eyes. Ah, it is wonderful.

My days weren’t always like that. I used to be a coward. I was afraid to live life to the fullest or do anything that would attract attention to me. It felt like if I liked it or did it, it was wrong or bad. Even with mundane things. Like one day when I was in my 30s a neighbor stopped by and commented that our house smelled like popcorn. Well, it did. I had just made popcorn and there’s nothing wrong with that. But I made some stupid excuse and apologized. WHY!? I have no idea. If that person came over today I would have them sitting on my back porch eating 3 different kinds of popcorn while we tried to figure out which wine goes with. Geez. Really. I was such a coward and I have no idea where that came from. (to be honest, I think a Citron Dragon martini goes better with popcorn than wine. . . but I’m still researching.)

Oh, those were wasted days. And THAT is why I like getting older. The years bring wisdom, and a boldness that I love. And, I think that the years also bring a playfulness that just didn’t seem proper when I was in my 30s. It could be, too, that with age I now know that I don’t have to jump through all of the hoops just because they are there. I jump through whatever hoop I want. . . .and knowing me, I’ll take the damn hoop and hula hoop with it.

Yes, it is wonderful.


"It’s a sad day when you find out that it’s not accident or time or fortune, but just yourself that kept things from you. – Lillian Hellman"

Thought for today. . .

"Remember that happiness is a way of travel, not the destination." I read that somewhere recently, probably on a bumper sticker. But it reminds me of what I told and still tell my kids. . . ENJOY the journey. Just find a way to enjoy the journey, friend. Sometimes it is small things like the way you can feel the wind on your face, or the song on the radio.. . . but there is good everyday. Once you start looking, you will find a hundred ways everyday that can give you joy on the journey.

That's all I got for you today.

I was just thinking. . . .

I was just thinking about how we e-mail people about what's going on in our lives. We write about where we went to dinner, or what our latest project is. Those are nice things, but I don't really know how some of the people in my life actually spend their days. You know, the routine, the comfortable rut we all have and like to live in. My nephew is good at giving short glimpses into his life, but most of us aren't. Here's a glimpse of my typical day:


I set my alarm for 5 so I can get up to workout. I usually hit the snooze, though, and snuggle in for another 30 minutes. When I do get up and work out, I usually read a devotional while walking on my treadmill.


Breakfast is 1 egg and 1 piece of toast. Lunch is a frozen low cal box meal like a Smart Ones. Most of the time I eat at my desk while I read. Sometimes I work through my lunch. I go to a workout class M, W and F after work. I try to go home early on Tuesdays. On Thursdays I usually hang out with friends after work. This last Thursday I had the best time with a good friend at McGrath's eating crabcakes and drinking some really crisp wine. Sometimes I go with my movie group friends to see a flick, then to Applebees for a margarita.


I play the radio way too loud in my car and I sing and really get into the music. I always drive to work the same way taking a shortcut through some side streets, but always drive home the main roads. That just doesn’t make sense to me, yet I still do it everyday with my radio too loud. Oh, and I love my car!


I drink tea at work instead of coffee for a lot of reasons. The coffee at work is bad. It should be a crime to make bad coffee. My cup is yellow with white polka dots. Julie has one just like it. We have a lot of matching cups and we like that.



I dress up for work everyday. I love skirts and fun cute shoes and I get teased because my jewelry matches my outfits perfectly most days. I try to walk as softly as I can so as not to disturb people.


My earphones are pink. I like listening to music when I’m working. My favorite CDs are the ones Jessica makes for me. In fact I’m listening to the first one she gave now. But my musical tastes are expanding everyday. I probably spend too much money buying music. Nah.. . .on second thought, I don't think that is possible.


I smile a lot. I greet everyone I meet. And I'm a hugger, too, so don't get too close if you don't want to be hugged. Yep, I’m even a hugger at work. And I join in on just about everything. Wanna play hookie from work and go to Shoetini's? Sure. Can I have some Altoids? Sure. Can you join us for the audit meeting? Sure. Yea, it's not all fun and games, but I love it anyway.


I make my bed every morning. Leave the radio on for my dog, Lucy when I leave for work. Floss my teeth way too much. And I think I eat too many Altoids.


The first thing I do when I get home is play with Lucy. She’s a wonderful greeter. If it’s nice outside I sit on the porch to look at the mail. Then I prepare dinner.


Every evening I try to get a chore done so I don’t have so much to do on weekends. I fail a lot, but then I’m good with that. The house is already ready for whoever drops by. And I wouldn’t care if it wasn’t. I love having people over!


Later in the evening I log into FB to see what’s going on in my world and say hi to my family and friends. I log into several blogs and other sites I like to check routinely. If you know of a good one, please share.


I braid my hair every night before I go to bed. I set my alarm for 5 a.m.. . .and, well, I think know the rest.

One of my new favorite poems

So Much Happiness

It is difficult to know what to do with so much happiness. With sadness there is something to rub against, a wound to tend with lotion and cloth. When the world falls in around you, you have pieces to pick up, something to hold in your hands, like ticket stubs or change. But happiness floats. In doesn't need you to hold it down. It doesn't need anything. Happiness lands on the roof of the next house, singing, and disappears when it wants to. You are happy either way. Even the fact that you once lived in a peaceful tree house, and now live in a quarry of noise and dust cannot make you unhappy. Everything has a life of its own, it too could wake up filled with possibilities, of coffee cake and ripe peaches, and love even the floor which needs to be swept, the soiled linens and scratched records. . . . Since there is no place large enough to contain so much happiness, you shrug, you raise your hands, and it flows out of you into everything you touch. You are not responsible. You take no credit, as the night sky takes no credit for the moon, but continues to hold it, and share it, and in that way, be known. Naomi Shihab Nye

The Undo Button

I like the undo button on my computer. Wouldn't it be nice if we could have undo buttons on life? So I was thinking, if I could have a life undo button, what would I undo?

Lets play with the idea. Here's a partial list:

1. undo sassing my 8th grade English teacher
2. undo quitting. Yes, I would quit quitting.
3. undo drinking orange juice in Cuba, New Mexico that gave me food poising
4. undo not listening to more stories from my grandmother
5. undo not excepting invitations to the park
6. undo every time I didn't do my best
7. undo not getting my grandmother's brown sugar cookie recipe.
8. undo every time I was a coward

So, this begs the question, how can I live the rest of my life so I don't need an undo button?

1. Be honest with myself
2. Listen to what others have to say
3. Invest in the people in my life
4. Be brave enough to change
5. If something is worth my time, it deserves my best effort
6. Be gracious enough to tell others what I appreciate about them
7. Be generous with kindness
8. Try something new

Days gone by

I've connected recently with a lot of friends from my school years back in Leavenworth, Kansas. It's wonderful finding out where everyone ended up, seeing pictures of their children, their kid's weddings, and the subsequent grandchildren.

OMG, am I old enough to be a grandmother??? If they are, then I am. No way!!! Please tell me I don't look old enough to be a grandparent.

Of my friends from back then, two are pastors (Mark and Marty). A few are teachers (Pam and Paula). One works with the stock market (that's you Jeff). We have people from our class that live all over the U.S., doing all sorts of work from accounting (Tony, Eric and me), to massage (you know who you are), to writing, cooking, and just about everything in between.

The sad part is that I lost touch with these people, people who were so important to me. WHY? I don't really know. At the time way back then it was like I needed to find a way that was my own. I didn't know I was an important part of their lives. I felt that I needed to find something else. My own path. I'm hearing/remembering events that were so important to me then and still now, and finding out how important they were to these people, how important I was to these people.

I'm touched and humbled at the same time.

I'm finding out that they have gone through some tough times like having a parent die, or both parents die, and I wasn't there to be a support. I knew these parents. They drove me places, fed me, included me in family events. . .and I wasn't there when it mattered the most. My apologies, friend. Truly.

The good thing is that we've found each other again. The good thing is that we are talking now. It's nice. There are pictures. And stories. I like it. I really like talking about stuff we did, places we went. I had a blessed life back then. And I'm blessed all over again.

You've all blessed me in ways I didn't quite understand until recently. Wish I had the maturity to get it back then. I didn't. If I owe any of you apologies, please accept them. And know that I'm glad you were part of my life then, and now. Genuinely.

Looking forward to catching up some more and staying in touch.

Hugs (yes, I'm still a hugger)

My Uncle Charlie

My Uncle Charlie passed away this week. What a sad day. Uncle Charlie had always been such a constant in my life. My dad loved his brother and that was something I could always feel. Those two respected each other and supported each other and loved each other. Uncle Charlie was a gentle soul.

I have wonderful memories of my uncle. I remember when I was a young girl at my grandmother Martens' house, and Uncle Charlie would come in from tending the fields. He'd be tan and a little dirty, but always smiling and loving the fact that he was doing what he was doing. My grandm other would make the best lunches. Oh, and she made the best brown sugar cookies (recipe died with her and I've tried to resurrect it-pray for me because I may figure this recipe out some day) and apple pie. I remember eating apple pie with Uncle Charlie. Grandma Martens had beautiful blue and white dishes. Her table was round with claw feet.. Maybe that's why my first dining room table was round with claw feet. I loved that table. Sometimes Uncle Charlie would pour some whole milk over his pie. I never tried that. Well, I haven't tried that yet. But then nobody makes pies like Bertha Pearl Martens. Oh golly, were her apple pies awesome!

One time my Uncle Charlie let me ride on the tractor with him while he was harvesting wheat. I must have been 10 or 12 years old. I was probably staying with my grandmother for a day or two. He told me to taste some of the wheat, and I did. I can remember the warmth of the sun that day, the motion of the tractor and the taste of the wheat. What a wonderful day. I love tractors to this day.

Uncle Charlie had a chair that I loved. Every time I was at his house I remember this one chair. It is made of leather and had a print stamped or burned in it that reminds me now of horses. I can't recall the exact design in my grown up brain - I, unfortunately haven't been in his house for quite a while, but I remember walking into his house as a kid and always loving that chair. So rustic. So ru ral. So beautiful. So Uncle Charlie, and so me! As adults with small kids, he always came to see me what I was back h ome. My kids won't know that chair.

And, please stay with me as I tell one more story. . . my dad is a wonderful brother to his big brother. My dad lives on a piece of land west of his brother and I remember, and this was as an adult, I remember walking into our living room and seeing my dad watching Uncle Charlie's farm/land through his binoculars. These men took care of each other. They watched over each other. They loved each other. These two men were brothers.

Uncle Charlie's memorial service and funeral is tomorrow (Friday, February 6, 2009 in Leavenworth, KS). He is a veteran of WWII. He didn't talk about that. He was most proud of being a dad, husband, grandpa, farmer, brother, and son. I hope he was proud to be my uncle. I know I'm so happy he w as part of my life.

Uncle Charlie, I will miss you alot.

Charles Martens. Wonderful brother to my dad and awesome uncle to me. Love you lots. Bye.