A Trip To New York

Jessica and Gram at NYU Ceremony

Our daughter graduated from NYU in May and we all went to celebrate with her. It was my mom's first trip to The Big Apple, and what a way to see it ~ from Jessica's point of view.  My mom wrote this poem after she got home and it tells about our trip pretty well.  Seriously, we walked, talked and laughed the entire week.  

      MY TRIP TO NEW YORK

Off to New York City to a special graduation

Of a nursing student from NYU

Jessica Royer, my sweet granddaughter,

 I am so proud of you!

The graduation ceremony was super

Yaffa, Doris, Jessica and Dan at NYU Party

Jessica’s now a nurse with a full degree

Now she needs to get to work

This education was not free

Jessica’s apartment was up four looong flights

But once we got there we didn’t stop

After welcoming us to her apartment

She showed us the fantastic view  from her roof top

Jessica and Kakia

We met Jessica’s friends,

 Kakia, Doris, Jaffa   & Dan

They are such a special group

Always keep in touch if you can

Daniel came from Manchester

In his new bright and shiny car

It was wonderful to have him

And glad he doesn’t live too far

Daniel and Gram in Brooklyn

Sweet Katelyn couldn’t come this time

We all missed her sweet smile

She had to stay and work

Where, I’m told, she goes the x-tra mile

The loft where we stayed

Was perfect we think

And in the lobby each morning

Hey served our favorite drink

The Building Manager was hard to please

And she kept tabs on us

We were careful to avoid her

As we didn’t want a fuss

We had stove, fridge, microwave, drier

And a  washer we learned how to run

Jessica had saved her laundry for days

But by week’s end it was all done

Gram and Linda in Central Park

Gram now wears pink undies & socks

Due to a disaster in this laundry tale

Putting  a bright pink robe in with whites

Can bring a disaster without fail.

 So many landmarks, we didn’t see them all

The buildings are beautiful, the city unique,

It is hard to take it all in

in just a single week

We really enjoyed the  parks –

They  were well kept and fun

It was great to just sit, enjoy the scene

& Watch folks go by one by one

We waded in the fountain pool

We watched the kids make bubbles

Had hot dogs in the park

Took goofy pictures & forgot all our troubles

Walking, Walking, Walking

Some days seems that’s all we did

Gram playing in the fountain in Washington Sq

Help me someone, please

I can’t keep up with this kid

I intended to start a walking program

Once I got back home

But this was way too much too soon

And my old bones began to groan

So wherever we went, from Brooklyn Bridge ,

Grocery store - or all about town

We were eventually bound to hear

“STOP!, Gram needs to sit down!”

Kent, Jessica and Gram ~ walking

But everyone was patient

And that was really neat

We’d stop, enjoy the local sights

And soon be back walking the street

We walked to the subway station

Hurry, hurry, hurry, don’t be late

There were many steps to maneuver

And only a minute to get through the gate

Once on the bus, the door quickly shuts

You must find a seat or hang on tight

Kent, Gram & Jessica ~ Subway fun

Or you soon will be flying through the air

It is hard to stay upright

But New York Folks are gracious

I was always offered a chair

To find such friendliness and kindness

Shows that New Yorkers really care

We walked  The Brooklyn bridge – it was long

But we walked  it  all the way

Such lovely views of New York City

It was beautiful – that’s all I can say

Gram ~ Brooklyn Bridge

Gram found a penny the very first day

And to find one each day became a must

She picked them up, she said. Because

On them it says  “In God we Trust”

All pitched in to help in the hunt

To find a penny on the ground

Now she is only 7 cents ahead

But still the richest lady around

Because family is so important

And being together can’t be beat

The little things make for memories

To remind us that family makes life sweet

We took a Ferry to the Statue  of Liberty

Standing there with her flame upright

A wonderful opportunity for pictures

She was quite a lovely sight

Just think of all the folks she welcomed

As they came to start new lives here

And she still stands as a reminder

Linda & Gram ~ Empire State Bldg

Of promises of freedom and all we hold dear

Seeing the new world trade center building

The Empire State Building tour

Shopping at department stores

Seeing a movie – We were busy for sure

Time to go home came all too soon

It’s good we had time to spare

When we ordered a car to catch our flight

Because it never got us there.

The car broke down on the freeway

A policeman pushed us to a safe lane

Another driver was called

And we were on time for our plane

Folks have asked:  how did you like New York

My reply is always the same

I’d rather live in Kansas

But I am so glad I came

My mom, Lucille Martens Central Park

Which Lane? And Why is There no Center??

The other day I was in some minor traffic in a school zone.  The person in front of me insisted on going 15mph instead of the posted 20mph.  But I acquiesced figured they had a reason.  However, their reasoning, whatever it was, left me ‘stuck’ behind  several other cars which lead me to follow another person who was going 30mph in a 45mph on a small curvy road that had no passing lanes.  So, again, I figure they had their reasons and let off the gas to slow down to not crowd them.  Which lead me to an intersection, that they got feely thru,  with me waiting again for another group of folks.  Many who were turning onto the road I was on, but didn’t have their blinkers so how could I know, and I waited.

 

Anyway, I made it home safe and sound.  But I wonder sometimes.  Did God put these people in my path to keep me from some horrible accident? Was I in the wrong lane somehow? Did He want me to learn patience or tolerance?   Was I being a jerk?  Or was it just normal life. 

 

That person in line in front of us who needs a price check, who’s card doesn’t work, or they forget they have to swipe it.. . .they leave you wondering ‘why doesn’t he get this???’  Well, until it happens to us when we are the ones when things don’t work right.  When we notice that someone is on our tailgate and we don’t know why.

So, you all get a pass from me.  I get you.  I am you.  Sorry if it was me behind you today.  I’m still figuring out which is  the center lane. 

A Fork in the Road

I’ve been in a strange place in my life lately.  It sounds like it would be an awesome place.  I get to go back to school, find a fun job, do something wonderfully benevolent . . . whatever I choose to do or become is open to me right now.  The hard part is knowing what that is.  The first part is figuring out who I am now and what my new purpose is.  I’ve heard that it is purpose that guides us through the darkness.  When you lose that, all you have left is darkness.

It is kind of weird rediscovering or rebuilding who you are.  It isn’t like you can talk about it because all of the things that you were or did aren’t really relevant any longer.  While trying to explore ideas and asking for insight, my friends will invariably say “hey, look what you did then.”  That is akin to telling someone who is hungry now to remember the sandwich you had last year.  Yes, it was a great sandwich.  Doesn’t really solve the problem, though, does it.

So, this seems to be a solo voyage of discovery.  It gets lonely, too.  

Sometimes I wonder which way to go because I feel like everything is available to me, yet nothing seems to ignite my interest.  Do I just keep trudging down an uncomfortable path hoping there is something down the way that will be IT?  Keep jumping from thing to thing just to keep busy?  Or sit at this fork in the road and wait for the Cheshire Cat to show up?  Actually, the Cheshire Cat has some pretty wise words thanks to Lewis Carroll.

"Alice came to a fork in the road.  'Which road do I take?' she asked.  'Where do you want to go?' responded the Cheshire Cat.  'I don't know,' Alice answered.  'Then,' said the Cat, 'it doesn't matter."

When it doesn't really matter it is hard to take the first steps because, well, it doesn't really matter.  Yeah, I know.  Sounds horribly like self pity, doesn't it?  HEY, it doesn't matter. . . shouldn't that be freeing?  It is like I'm trying to make up a purpose for me.  Just wondering if a made up purpose is a real purpose?  Does a made up purpose even matter?

 

Fill In Your ________ (or My Soap Box)

When people are talking about how much they dislike ___________ (gays, smokers, disabled, tattoos, abortion, divorce, Lutherans, military, fill-in-the-blank) if they ever wonder how they may be talking to a ___________, or is the mother of a ____________, or is widow of a soldier.   Do they ever wonder how their words of superiority and condemnation of this group of people to their friend could actually be a knife of judgment cutting and stabbing their heart?  They think they know me and can ‘trust’ me with their ‘truths’, but, seriously, how do they know for sure that I’m not a gay, smoker, divorced and disabled Lutheran, and daughter of a tattooed, Vietnam POW victim?   I hear and see comments about how all _________ are filthy, sinner, moronic, weak-willed scum, and how, of course, I’d understand that because I’m such a lovely person.  Well, I don’t.

Recently I had a friend telling me how awful _________________ were.  I listened to her, and I guess my silence, born from disbelief at what I was hearing, was seen as agreement.  She continued.  Coming from such a kind, service minded, friendly person, I was kinda shocked that I was hearing what I was hearing.  When it was my turn to talk, I just said back to her what she had said about ____________ but used a group/term that was part of her life.   She got super defensive and started justifying her situation.   I’m not saying she is right or wrong, but her words hurt and not because I was part of that particular group (I wasn’t, but I’m sure I’m part of some abhorrent-to-someone group), but because hate hurts.  That broad stroke of judgment was without mercy, understanding or grace.  She can have her opinion and God bless her, but don’t spew that hate my way.  Normally I wouldn’t be that confrontational, however this time it felt good.  I actually still like this lady and don’t know why she has so much negative energy about these people but I hope her angst goes away some time soon.

Here’s my take on things and some might say I’m being wishy washy or that I’m not toeing the line or fighting the good fight, but here it is none-the-less.  I may not understand why someone could be _______________ or participate in ___________, or why they’ve been diagnosed with __________ but then I don’t have their background, don’t know that my understanding of life is exactly right on, or been in the situation.  SO how on earth can I have the exact truth for them?  I’m still trying to figure out what is right for me and that seems to be a full time job. 

Every person has a story and that story has what brought them into your world.   Love them where they are, as they are.  Invest in them as you’d like to be invested in.   Who knows?  We might actually learn something kinda cool, like _______________ are just like you.  They are not judging you because you are _____________.   Apparently, because they like being in your life, they must have a great taste in picking friends, huh?  

 It seems to me that our fill-in-the-blanks pretty much look the same.  Don’t you?

When Dominos Fall

When someone asked who I am, I used to answer all the things I did.  I am a mom, an accountant, wife of a military man, but, as wonderful as those roles are, they aren’t who I am.  A few years ago I lost my identity, or what I had thought was my identity.  No, it was not a hacker stealing my information and pretending to be me.  I entered the world of empty nest.  I remember talking about all the things I’d do once the kids were launched and managing their own lives.  I’m sure every parent understands that feeling.  But reality of empty nest is much different that the dreams.  Utopia, it is not.

At first life was a lot of fun.  I trained for a marathon with a bunch of girlfriends, played bunko, learned to scuba dive, took classes, wrote, traveled, bought a sports car and really burned the candle at both ends.  Not a healthy way to live, seriously.  I drank too much, ate too little, trained too much, and slept only a little all while managing a full time job as a senior accountant.  Not surprisingly, I got sick.  Even during the shock of the illness (I had never gotten sick), I still kept trying to go, go, go trying to fill the hole in my life that I didn’t realize was there.  I didn’t listen to the universe, my body or people around me who could see me deteriorating.   The dominos started to fall.

I eventually left my job.  I couldn’t focus or concentrate enough to do the work, just couldn’t connect with it at all, and I asked if I could retire early.  Fortunately, my bosses were super understanding.  I’m sure they could see that I was in a bad place.

Shortly after I retired I lost my fitness level due to injury.  If nothing else, I was the person people looked to for fitness.  There wasn’t a race I wouldn’t try, a hike I wouldn’t do or a boot camp I didn’t master.  And now I lost that, too. 

What I didn’t realize was that I had lost my joy.  Feeling so disconnected from everything was something new to me. None of my usual tricks for snapping myself back worked.  I wanted my WOW back.  I’ve tried rekindling some of the fires of things that once gave me joy, but they fizzled out pretty fast.

Now I’m on a search looking for what I want to do now.  Where do I go from here?  Work? School? Workshops? Classes? Reinventing me and learning that the roles I play in life are not who I am is an interesting voyage.

I think the hardest part, other than losing my identity as a mom, an accountant, a marathoner, a happily busy lady, was watching people leave my life.  People I had shown up for at anytime day or night didn’t want anything to do with me.  That hurt a lot.  One dumped me when I was having back problems and couldn’t drive.  She said I was making it up.

However, there are blessings in it.  The friends I have now are true, not just fair weather friends, and what a joy that is!  The feeling of being a blank slate is uncomfortable, but I pray for God to show me what my new purpose is, where my new path is.  In the meantime, I will just keep doing the next right thing.  I know joy is just around the next corner. 

Have you ever experienced this feeling?  Have you ever lost your joy?  What did you do when the dominos fell?