A Sweet Ride Into Empy Nest

When I was sitting in the sand box 20 years ago with my children, I could not envision a day when they would be on their own. I didn’t really try because the constant demands of parenthood kept me in the here and now (or the then and there since it was 20 years ago). I loved being a parent. I loved being the room mom, making cookies, working on projects, planning birthday parties, making their clothes, walking them to school, teaching them to ride a bike and eventually drive a car, and watching them grow into the wonderfully independent and happy adults they now are.

While raising children I, personally, became a rut lover. What I mean is that I wore the same type of clothes, never tried different foods, jewelry, clothing or shoes, and I was controlled by the clock and calendar. I was in a rut that worked for me. My time was consumed taking care of everyone else – band camp, grocery shopping, church, homework, science fair, vet appointments, work, military wife duties, chores. . . well, you know the list - that I just stuck with one thing that worked. I didn’t have to think about it so it was one thing off my list.

Kids just don’t leave, though. Like, they aren’t here one day and gone the next. It’s a gradual process. College is a gray area. They are kind of gone, but not really. This gray college time is good for everyone. It eased me into empty nest and it eased them away for parents. I called it Empty Nest Lite.

Then college was over. The kids were gone and I now had time on my hands. So. . . .now what? At first I was overwhelmed and wasn’t too sure what to do. Crying was an option, but I’m not a good crier. It was time for me to rediscover me and, boy, have I been having fun. My first goal was to try to live a life that my kids would want to be part of. That was a great start and a great idea to get things going.

So I lost 20 something pounds, started marathoning, joined some groups, and became a regular at some of the local venues. All of that meant new friends along with new experiences. My new friends helped me find some hipper clothes and cuter shoes, and encouraged me to experience new foods. I think I’ve finally found my style and I like it.

Then I discovered Facebook and started looking up friends from years gone by. Reconnecting with these amazing friends has been an incredible experience. These old friends reminded me of some of the things I used to do, like writing. I had forgotten how much fun and enriching writing can be. And music. I used to be so involved with music. I rediscovered blues and attend a blues jam once a week now. I’m not a participant, but an enthusiastic listener. I know all of the musicians and actually attend their concerts.

Anyway, it’s all a journey. I loved those sandbox days and wouldn’t trade them for anything. I loved the school days with all of the hectic schedules, fundraisers, volunteering and carpooling. I loved the college years and being part of intellectual conversations with my kids and meeting their new college friends. Whoa, that was so much fun!

However, I especially love now. My children have become my friends. They are amazingly strong, independent, courageous people. They are hard workers, happy, compassionate and funny adults who understand the importance of living life to the fullest. We talk about everything and I love that! I’m so proud of them and who they are. But mostly, I’m honored to be their friend.

Things that made me happy this week

1. Playing softball on Sunday - We won but that didn’t matter. It was just awesome to play with some old and new friends! In the pic is my boss, Sarah. She's a wonderful softball player
   
2. Being part of The Grove finance team – Awesome group of selfless people. Rock on GROVE!
3. BLACKBERRIES (need I say more)
4. Seeing Mary’s Peak on my way to work – Mary’s Peak is my favorite spot in the entire world. Waikiki beach is 2^nd.
5. Red fingernail polish and blue eye shadow- (see #6)
6. Red, White and Blue Bunko - (explains the nail polish)I love playing Bunko with my friends and I especially love hosting! In the pic are my friends Joy, Hallie and Carole

7. Ballroom dancing class – I’m starting to get it! And wearing the right shoes and a twirly skirt makes it even better.
8. Posts from Jessica and Daniel on my FB wall – my kids are the most amazing people I’ve ever met.
9. Hazelnut coffee from the 76 station – I love being a regular there. I know everyone’s name and they know mine.
10. Windows down, music cranked up! Rockin’ home from work – there’s nothing quite as freeing!

A Good Friend - once

My best friend of 7 years decided a few months ago that she didn’t want to be my friend anymore. As a kid in middle school and high school I experience this before, but not as an almost 50 year old adult. It is so strange to be going through this. Yes, she did give me a reason that I now see was an excuse so I still don’t really know why. How does someone just flick that switch between love and indifference so easily? Now I see how valuable 20/20 hindsight is. I could have seen this coming if I had paid attention a year ago.

I was curious why the friends we had in common weren’t asking me what was up. Well, I found out recently. She’s been talking about me and saying some rather untrue things. Like I said, I dealt this with as a young teen. I just can’t believe that this woman that I loved and trusted is doing this. It isn’t the person I knew.

Just to let you know now before you read any further that I’m doing fine. I’ve found a good balance and am living a very happy life. . . just one without her. I miss who she was. I don’t miss who she is. My life is still an awesome life. No worries, friends.

What has been interesting is watching our common friends trying to decide what to do. I don’t say anything negative, and yet my ‘friend’ is saying some very negative things about me and acting out. I feel so bad for our common friends. Most of them don’t want to take sides and I think it hurts them to hear this stuff from her.

There are a few that have chosen to believe her. They know how tight we were and they seem to be wanting that prized spot I once had in her life. I so want to ask them, if she will do this to me, what make you think she won’t do this to you. . . .but I don’t. I just smile and say good morning and act as normally as possible. People are strange creatures, aren’t they? Aren’t we?

I won’t let this deter me from investing in people. I love being around people, meeting new people, finding that connection that will make them relax and smile. Even though our 7 year friendship is over, I still can’t complain. It was a wonderful 7 years. She was a devoted friend with a warm generous spirit. I don’t know exactly why she decided that I didn’t fit into her life anymore, but I respect her choice.

Maybe some relationships are only destined to be for a period of time. I debated this with one of my online friends recently. We connect, help each other through the daily journey for a while, then grow apart.

I have fond memories of our 7 years together and I wish her the best.

One other thing I wish, is that she had the same respect for me and would stop saying negative things.

Good bye my good friend. I miss you.